If you drink then drive, you’re a bloody idiot.”

A message to parents of wannabe independent teenagers: teach your child clutch-control and the principles of changing gear on a dirt road in Poffadder or in a cul-de-sac near Kleinemond. Fine, go right ahead.

Cars are like bottomless rabbit holes. They gobble up spare change, cellphones, house keys, children, bottles of milk and lip ice all the time.

In the wild, vast alpine region on the south island of New Zealand, lives a sensational little creature. A cunning little conjurer and a naughty knave, the Kea alpine parrot has a reputation that all Kiwi's are aware of.

So, you sit down next to someone good-looking at a party/soirée/pub quiz, and you have nothing to say to them. They enjoy blueberry farming, you enjoy whale watching, they enjoy World of Warcraft, you enjoy fly-fishing in Zimbabwe.

In France, 241 years ago, a reckless maniac by the name of Nicolas Cugnot ruined driving for all of us. He drove his steam powered tractor at full tilt (4 km/h) into a Parisian wall.

Driving is boring and commuting to work every day is tedious. Unless you travel over Chapman's Peak to reach your office block, no one actually enjoys traffic and highway monotony.